Wet Socks and a Bottle of Cough Medicine
by elise the westside rainbow kid
Summary: Harry Potter + sick retarded fun = good times ***CHAPTER FOUR IS UP!!!*** (Please R/R, but no flames!)
1. That's not a Bludger, that's your mom!

Let's Get Messy Children!!! (Hope it's dumb enough for ya!)  
  
Disclaimer: They only thing I own if my mom and the half-naked girl!  
  
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*Ron and Harry enter their dormitory, as Ron recites a joke Fred and George had told him earlier*  
  
Ron: And then the Beater said..." That's not a Bludger that's your mom!!"  
  
Harry: *laughing* oh, that's a good one!! I like the part where.... *stops dead* errr... Ron.... errr.... why is there a strange half naked, unconscious girl on your bed??  
  
Ron: Hermione!! I told you to wait until I figured out that enlargement spell.... *looks at the girl* oh... uhhh... that's not Hermione...  
  
Harry: Thank god too! The last time I walked in on you guys, you made watch....*shudders*  
  
Ron: What do you reckon we do with her??  
  
Harry: She looks hurt, maybe we should take her to Madam Pomfrey..  
  
Ron: Nah, Last time I was in the hospital wing I had a little TOO much fun with a thermometer and...uhhh.....*blushes* let's just say she's not to fond of me anymore...  
  
Harry: Well she doesn't go to our school, so we can't take her to her common room... ummm what else can we do with her then?  
  
Ron: Hey! Remember when Dumbledore gave you that note with the invisibility cloak, saying "your father left this in my possession" ?  
  
Harry: Err... yeah....  
  
Ron: Well maybe this is another of your father's possessions! *looks hopeful*  
  
Harry: *blinks* My father owned a 15-year-old half-naked girl??? Umm, excuse me while I gag!  
  
Ron: *shrugs* Hey, you never know....  
  
Harry: uhhh.. any other ideas?  
  
Ron: well, I have one idea.... but where are we going to get several gallons hot fudge, a Spanish midget, a whip, and a fat Blue Jay??  
  
Harry: err, how about I ignore what you just said and we take her to Hermione.  
  
Ron: Nah, Hermione isn't in to that. Once I tried to get Lavender involved, I thought we'd have a three.....  
  
Harry: *stares at Ron*  
  
Ron: *looks at his feet* uhh never mind...  
  
Harry: Ok, let's just take her to Hermione 


	2. Hermione on the Case

1 Thanks for all the nice reviews!! It really *sniff* means a lot to me! But anyway, sorrie it's been so long since I updated!! For a long time I had no idea what should happen and I still kinda don't... so any  
  
2 suggestions would be great! Thanks kids! (sorrie this chapter sucks!)  
  
3  
  
4 Disclaimer: again, I only own the girl..... *sniff*  
  
5 *****************************************************  
  
6 Chapter Two  
  
Hermione on the Case  
  
*Hermione is sitting in the common room reviewing for her Muggle Studies quiz by the fire when she hears Ron and Harry coming down the stairs. She looks up and sees them struggling with something*  
  
Hermione: What ARE you doing?? *spots the girl and get angry* RON!!! Did you buy another blow-up doll from Hogsmeade? I told you that I find that totally disgusting!  
  
Ron: *looks at Harry and laughs nervously* uhh.. ha...ha.... that's just a little joke that me and 'mione play with each other.... I wouldn't REALLY... buy a blow-up doll *more nervous laughter*  
  
Harry: *snickers* sure....  
  
Hermione: *gets out of the chair and puts her hands on her hips* Well if it's not another blow-up doll then what is it? Or who is it?  
  
Ron: We dunno! Me and Harry....  
  
Hermione: Harry and I....  
  
Ron: Whatever. Harry and I went upstairs into the dormitory and we found her lying there on MY bed!  
  
Hermione: *raises an eyebrow* You just FOUND her lying on your bed?? Half naked??  
  
Harry: Honestly we did!  
  
Hermione: Why is she asleep? Did you put a sleeping spell on her or something?  
  
Harry: Nope, she was unconscious when we found her...  
  
Ron: Actually, when we came into the room she was awake and Harry thought he might get some action so he took off his panties and she fainted dead away!  
  
Hermione: *snorts and looks at Harry* YOU wear panties?!?!?!  
  
Harry: NO!!! Not anymore!!! They're really itchy and.... I mean.. uhh noo.. I wear boxers.... very MANLY boxers I might add..... with ABSOLUTLY no frills, or satin or sexy lace....*laughs nervously*  
  
*Hermione and Ron snicker*  
  
Ron: Nah, just kidding... we found her unconscious and we didn't know what to do with her so we brought her to you.  
  
Hermione: I see.. *peers at the girl* well, she's definitely not a student here...*thinks* maybe she's a muggle! Did either of you check if she had any sort of identification?  
  
Harry: nope.  
  
Hermione: oh ok, maybe somebody should check.  
  
Harry and Ron in Unison: I'LL DO IT!!  
  
Hermione: *frowns* No way I'm letting either of you get a cheap feel!! I'll do it....  
  
  
  
Well, that's where I leave you kids...  
  
Will they figure out the girl's identity? Will Harry or Ron get a cheap feel? Will Harry Fight the urge to wear women's under garments? We'llllllllll seeeeeeeee.... 


	3. Mmm, Fresh Weasley Ass!

Sweet Flaming Rocket Socks!! Look at all the reviews!!! The only thing that would make this better is some hot goulash....mmmm goulash?  
  
Whatever, enjoy the show!! (this chapter is kinda disturbing...sorrie!!)  
  
Disclaimer: penis  
  
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Chapter Three- mmm, fresh Weasley ass  
  
Ron: Well, I wouldn't be trying to get a cheap feel if SOMEBODY would put out more often.....*looks at Hermione*  
  
Hermione: Yeah, Geez Harry!! How could you deny Ron sex!!  
  
George: Sex what?  
  
*Fred and George enter*  
  
Hermione: *quickly pushes the girl behind a chair* hehe, hey George. We were just discussing the fact that Harry has been denying Ron sex.  
  
Fred: *waves a finger at Harry* tsk tsk tsk Harry! Ron is a growing boy who needs his sex. Just like I need Hermione to take off her shirt.. *looks hopeful*  
  
Hermione: *snickers and then shakes her head at Fred*  
  
Harry: *hits Fred* your a sick kid!!!  
  
George: Wow Fred, he said you were sick and you haven't even tried to take advantage of him yet. I'd suspect that's a new record.  
  
Fred: I think your right George!! We should celebrate! With hookers!!  
  
George: Good plan.... Where's a hooker when you need one?  
  
Ron: Oh, she's in the girl's dormitory.  
  
George: Who is?  
  
Ron: Lavender...  
  
*Everyone snickers*  
  
Fred: Good thinking... she's cheap too.  
  
George: Let's get her then...  
  
*Fred and George head in the direction of the girl's staircase*  
  
Harry: Speaking of Greasy whores.... We've got potions, *checks his watch* in like two minutes...  
  
*Hermione and Ron Groan*  
  
Ron: Damnit! I hate potions!! Snape is always trying to take advantage of me!!  
  
Hermione: well who wouldn't want some fresh Weasley ass? *wink*  
  
Harry: Yeah! Who wouldn't want some fresh Weasley ass? *wink*  
  
*Hermione and Ron stare at Harry*  
  
Harry: Sorry... uhhh you know.... these uh panties... kinda get me carried away sometimes...  
  
*Ron Shudders*  
  
Hermione: that's.. er... nice...er.... shouldn't we be getting to class?  
  
Ron: Wait!! Were forgetting about the half-naked girl!  
  
Hermione: oh.. yeah... umm... well we can't leave her here because somebody will see her....  
  
Harry: So why don't we put a shrinking spell on her and take her with us then?  
  
Ron: oh good plan Harry! We'll put her in your bag Hermione.  
  
Hermione: oh damnit, there's no room. Umm put her in your pocket Harry.  
  
Harry: Can't.  
  
Ron: Harry is trying out spandex pants.. *shudders* there's no pockets.  
  
*Hermione stares*  
  
Harry: Hey! I saw that shudder!! And I'll have you know that these pants are comfy!  
  
Ron: you mean creepy? Yeah, yeah, that's what I thought.  
  
Hermione: We'll I guess you'll have to keep her in your pocket Ron.  
  
Ron: *Grins* Wiiiiiiiiiith pleasure.  
  
  
  
What will happen next?  
  
Will they figure out the girl's identity? Will Fred and George get a go on the Hogwarts whore? Will Harry continue to wear creepy spandex pants?  
  
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee'llllll seeeeeeeeeeeee! 


	4. A Second Helping of Fresh Weasley Ass

Look out! It's Chapter Four! Here to save your sex life!!  
  
Disclaimer: APPARENTLY Harry Potter doesn't belong to me.. Some J.K something or other owns it….(yeah right)  
  
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Chapter Four: More Fresh Weasley Ass!  
  
*Hermione, Ron and Harry (in his creepy panties and spandex pants) are racing along the corridor to get to potions*  
  
Ron: *out of breath* hold…*gasp*… up… *gasp*… guys *gasp*  
  
Hermione: *stops running and groans* Ron! You're so out of shape! Just look at last night! We had to stop five times before you actually got inside my….  
  
Harry: *cuts in* shhhh! Do you hear something?  
  
*They all hear muffled moans coming from the suit of armor across the hall*  
  
Hermione: Omg! What is that?  
  
Ron: *holds a finger to his lips and sneaks over to the suit of armor*  
  
Harry: what are you going to do?  
  
Ron: shhh! Watch… *Ron swings back his foot and kicks the armor hard*  
  
*Out tumbles two half-naked figures*  
  
Ron: Oh sorry Lavender! I didn't know you were "working" here!!  
  
*Harry and Hermione laugh*  
  
Lavender: *pulls on her shirt* whatever, he wasn't very good anyway.. *Strolls off*  
  
*Harry, Ron and Hermione laugh*  
  
*Second figure gets up*  
  
Ron: Oh and Malfoy! Sorry I ruined your only chance at getting some!  
  
*Harry and Hermione laugh*  
  
Malfoy: *straightening his robes* You know Weasley, you should really look into prostitution yourself! I mean, how else are your parents going to afford to send you through school?  
  
Ron: Hey good plan! Can you ask your mom to give me some pointers?!  
  
*Harry, Ron and Hermione walk off chuckling*  
  
Harry: ah, that was great! The look on his face…  
  
Hermione: haha, I know! It was totally priceless!  
  
*The three arrive at the potion room door*  
  
Harry: Ready to go in?  
  
Ron: *shudder* I guess so....  
  
*Harry Pulls the heavy wooden door open slowly and pears into the room*  
  
Harry: Thank God! He's not here yet!  
  
Snape: He is now...  
  
Hermione: *Turns around quickly* Oh hi Professor! Sorry we were just...  
  
Snape: Don't you "Hi Professor me!" Just get in there Granger!  
  
*Hermione walks quickly into the dungeon*  
  
Greasy Whore: oops! I mean.. Snape: Now YOU two! *turns to the boys and looks them up and down* uhh, you can go in Potter.....*Harry turns to go* ....but walk slowly so I can get a good look at your ass.  
  
*Harry Shudders and walks quickly into the potions classroom*  
  
Snape: Damnit....*turns to Ron and glares* Now Weasley.............. wwwwhy haven't you been returning any of my owls! *cries* I... I.. thought we had something special!! *sobs and blows his nose in his robes*  
  
Ron: uh.. uh... *backs up slightly*  
  
Snape: *still crying* don't you find me attractive??  
  
Ron: oh.. uh... that's not it Professor...  
  
Snape: *sobs* Is it the age difference???  
  
Ron: uh..uh... yeah... that's it..  
  
Snape: *sniff* True love is ageless Weasley! *wipes his nose on his the back of his hand*  
  
Ron: *shudders* That.. uh.. maybe so Professor but.. uh.. I just don't think it would work out....  
  
Snape: *stops crying suddenly* FINE!! If you're going to be like that then 50 points from Gryffindor!  
  
Ron: *mouth drops* Fine... *turns to go into the classroom*  
  
Snape: WAIT!! If I can't have you Weasley, I must have some of that fresh Weasley ass! *slaps Ron's ass*  
  
Ron: *yelps* Omg!  
  
Snape: Hey, wait a minute... your ass isn't usually that lumpy... What have you got in your pocket?? *Grabs Ron, puts his hand in his back pocket and pulls out the miniature half-naked unconscious girl*  
  
Snape: *looks shocked* AND WHAT IS THIS WEASLEY?? You can't have ME, but you can have this... this.. this... monstrosity! 50 more points from Gryffindor! And I'm confiscating this thing of yours! *Turns around and marches into the potions classroom*  
  
Ron: Oh..... Fuck.....  
  
  
  
That's aaaaaaaaaaaall folks!  
  
What Will happen Next???  
  
Will Ron be emotionally scarred for the rest of his life?? Will They get the half-naked girl back from Snape? Will Ron get male prostitution tips from Mrs. Malfoy?  
  
Weeeeeee'll Seeeeeee! 


End file.
